That long walk out of the hospital door, into the big bad world with a newborn baby, is about as terrifying as things can get. No escort home to check you're doing everything right? No forms to sign and no fee to be paid? What a strange, strange feeling. This book is for any bloke who is, or is about to become, a dad. Let's face it, we men are pretty petrified by anything we don't understand. We need manuals: A + B = C. Hence The Bloke's Guide To Babies – no flowery prose or idealistic diatribe; just telling it how it is, raw and unabridged. What's the worst that can happen? What's the best? If the engine is smoking, what should we look at first – the radiator or the alternator? Here is the truth, in bite-size pieces:

-- those first few weeks – getting to grips with nappies, bottles, extreme exhaustion and the whole breastfeeding caboodle
-- your baby's measurements – from IQ to willy size; are you now a competitive dad?
-- the truth about babies' birthday parties, fitting car seats,resuming 'biblical relations' with the missus, suddenly becoming a 'babe magnet' … and so much more!

What bloke is entirely ready or totally prepared for the reality of a new baby and all that it entails? Babies may bring boundless joy into your life but they also bring temper tantrums, stubborn moods and 90-decibel fits of hysterical screaming. In Jon Smith's new, absolutely essential and extremely entertaining baby manual, he provides all the treasured wisdom that will help new dads master coping with delights such as projectile vomiting, sleep-deprived mums, the 'hidden gifts' that come with nappy changing and buggies with assembly manuals the size of War and Peace. Here a new father will find all the essential information he needs to know for the new addition to the family.

"Covers everything a first time father-to-be will want to know about pregnancy." (Junior Pregnancy & Baby Magazine)